A Little Glimpse...

My friends from home came to stay on Friday night. It was lovely to see them but due to the remnants of my hangover and the emergence of a head cold, I was less than on form. Fortunately we'd only decided to stay in and get a take away so it wasn't too taxing. Having decided to edit a lot of my recent stories for their consumption I found myself being utterly honest with them - porn stars, French foot fetishists (don't ask) and all. I don't know why but I think it had to do with being too tired to put on the same front I use for my mother and although they are both younger than me, married and clean-living I figured they could handle it. Although there were raised eyebrows they seemed to find it more funny than anything and even did that thing of justifying my behaviour for me which only real friends do.

They left on Saturday morning and I went back to bed after cobbling together a half-arsed breakfast of croissants and toast (with a side of Lemsip for me). N from the party began texting me at lunchtime and by 4pm we'd agreed he was coming over. I wasn't sure what to expect as I couldn't really remember what he looked like or anything about his personality but he was capable of writing some class A filth over text so I figured it was worth a punt. He arrived and fortunately I found him attractive which was a relief. We drank wine and talked for ages, getting on really well, before the inevitable happened and we wound up in bed. We resurfaced for pizza and a dvd around 10pm at which point I suddenly found myself having an extremely coupley moment. We sat on the sofa and I stretched my legs out and rested them on his lap. He stroked my feet and we chatted companionably about nothing but I found I was happier than I'd been for ages. He stayed the night and stuck around until around 2pm on Sunday. It's a shame he's going travelling because I quite liked the little I got to know of him (and yes, the sex was fabulous...really amazing). He's been quite open about the fact that he'd like to see me again before he goes and potentially stay in touch while he's away. He kept saying that 3 months wasn't that long and that we could get together when he's back. It's a nice idea but given how much has happened to me in the last 3 months I have no idea what my life will be like then. He did cause me a moment of self-doubt when he announced I wasn't the type he normally went for, I quote: "I normally go for tall brunettes who are really skinny with no tits." My first reaction, whilst straddling him in my underwear was to glance down at my own ample chest and mutter "For God's sake, why?" He went on to say I was 'unconventionally sexy' whatever that means. Needless to say I've been dissecting it ever since and still have no idea.

I haven't logged onto the dating website for days. I feel as though my head and my diary are too full to start anything else at the moment. However I'm feeling to compelled to check my messages because...well I could be missing something great. Let's face it, at the core of all this messing about is the desire for intimacy, passion and above all, love. This was bought home to me by N who obviously fucked me but who, during one session, was so tender and so gentle including just holding me afterwards that oddly I almost cried. It was as though the veneer of carelessness I've built up since The Ex finished things last year, slipped briefly and the loneliness and vulnerability I've felt showed through. Embarrassing though this is to admit, it would appear part of me is still on the lookout for The One.

That's the side that will keep me on the straight and narrow food-wise because despite the exercise I've been getting recently (of sorts) I've also been eating for England. Having weighed myself and therefore scared myself this morning, I will be positively angelic this week. I may be booking a holiday soon with my friend F and am about as bikini ready as a double decker bus.