Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Change

I just deleted my Myspace profile. I feel strangely nervous and unsettled. For a year and a half I've used that site for music, friendship and dating but it's gone from being a buzzy, exciting site to a trawling ground for freaks and perverts. If I received one more email from someone calling themselves 'The Dark Lord' and asking if I have a webcam and time to play, I think I would have smashed my screen with my in-tray.

I am still on Facebook, though (no social networking sites at all? are you crazy?!). Along with everyone else in my life, including several people I met on Myspace who have never even spoken to on the phone let alone met but who feel like proper friends. I resisted Facebook for ages because I thought it was juvenile and vaccuous. I couldn't understand why I might want to throw a sheep at someone or write on their 'wall', but of course over time it became even more addictive than Myspace. Those stupid little applications start to appeal more and more and suddenly I really want to be able to tell people which 1950's pin up girl I most resemble. The excitment! Facebook just seems more...wholesome somehow. Every friend I have on there is either someone I know or a friend of a friend which I'm fine with. I've had no pervy emails, no stalkers and no bands trying to add me so they can use my profile to advertise their next shitty little gig at some back alley community centre in Birmingham. It's the future!

Elsewhere I was able to feel particularly smug this week when KOKO emailed me out of the blue after callously dumping me for 'someone special' a few weeks ago. After a few back and forth messages I was able to ascertain that his 'someone special' turned out to be 'someone crashingly dull' and he finished it. Apparently she didn't share his passions for drinking heavily, taking recreational drugs and spanking cash on pointless things like massive TV's. What a crying shame. I have decided, despite the mild humiliation of his finishing our liaison, that I will see him again. I have no emotions for him - I don't want to go to dinner with him, meet his family/friends or discuss the future with him. What I do want to do is spend some QT with him and his astonishing cock. KOKO is poles apart from me in terms of personality and background but physically we just clicked and had the most amazing sex. Obviously I'm making him work for it at the moment but in the long run, why would I be so stupid as to miss out on a repeat performance, especially given the sexual drought of late?

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Bits and Pieces

There is a famous quote about bad girls not keeping diaries because they don't have time (ridiculously paraphrased but you get the point). Well lately my blog has quite clearly fallen by the wayside - not because I've had nothing to tell but purely because I've been so darned busy. I guess another of my patented 'don't know if you actually care or not but...' round-ups is due (on the day the world found out Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer - poor man).

I have just got back from Berlin. A's sister lives there so R, A and I went over for a week. It's a strange city. Obviously it's recent past is still evident and you just can't escape the WW2 resonance. It's a city of wide-open spaces, due mainly I believe to most of it being obliterated by bombing during the war. We visited the Brandenburg Gate and the Museum for Murdered Jews which reduced the three of us to silent, pouring tears. It was a very difficult place to be but so, so worth it.
The social scene is typically European - everyone tends to go out at midnight and doesn't return home until dawn. The house/electro scene is incredible and I can highly recommend Panorama Bar. When dawn breaks the over-populated club lifts the shutters that cover the huge windows and briefly let the daylight flood over the previously dark and dirty dancefloors before lowering them again and plunging the whole place back into darkness. It's the most surreal thing but acted as a rejuvenator for all present and the DJs definitely play on that moment, allowing tracks to break dramatically and euphorically throughout. Ambulance Bar is also a must - the music is very 'Jaded'.

I have also finally had my tattoo done which I'm really pleased with. Six hollow, five-point stars of differing sizes are sprinkled down my left ankle and across the top of my foot. I am happy with it but I do keep having slightly worrying anxiety dreams about tattoos, involving me accidentally having a huge piece of work done across my back or a tattoo getting scuffed and not healing properly. I remember this happening 10 years ago when I had my first tattoo done so I guess it's just going to take time for my subconcious to accept what I've done!

On the man front things are a little quiet. I pulled a guy a few weeks ago at an afterparty. He was ridiculously handsome and I wasn't surprised when he told me he was an actor and lead singer in a band (he is - I've Googled him). He came home with me on the Sunday morning and we began to fool around together. Unfortunately due to the amount of chemicals in my system I was bone dry and as a result got a severely bruised labia meaning we had to stop immediately while I freaked out about what might have happened to my vagina (I was still wasted and could make no sense of the scary swelling). Bless him, B was fantastic - just lay with me and cuddled me as I quaked and fretted. I was shocked when he texted asking to see me again but jumped at the chance of erasing the memory of the make-up smeared, gibbering weirdo he'd last seen. We went for drinks and did lots of lovely snogging and I'm hoping we get together again soon. Unfortunately with me in Berlin and him in Amsterdam this week, time apart is rapidly elapsing which can be a death knell after a brief meeting such as ours. I find you have to maintain the contact to a reasonable degree or apathy sets in. I'm really hoping that doesn't happen with B! We shall see...