Huh?

I am lucky enough to work for a company that not only lets you wear your own clothes every day, as opposed to those of a Jaded Wage Slave but also allows you to listen to the radio at your desk. I tend to believe, quite cynically, that it's more based around wanting us to spend more time at the aforementioned desks than to kid us into thinking we're at the very hub of workplace cool. However those are the sorts of musings that lead you to carve your way out of the office with a paper knife and into forensic history.
It is my choice to listen to Kiss FM which I realise many find wholly offensive, so I do so discreetly through my pink earphones. I happily tap away with a joyous mixture of hip hop/dance/r'n'b filtering into my brain and providing a happy soundtrack to my otherwise lacklustre days (modular office furniture is marginally less depressing to look at with Beyoncé warbling away). However, due to the inability of Kiss to play anything other than the same 25 songs in differing order throughout each show, some of the more ludicrously-lyriced numbers have got under my skin and made me ask 'Why should it possible to make a record that consists solely of faux-street nonsense?'
Case in point: Current 'hit' Da* Bump by Mr V and Miss Patty. Here is a sample of the lyrics:

This is the way we move it, This is the way we party, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, This is the way we feel it, This is the way we started, With a da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, This is the way we move it, This is the way we party, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, This is the way we feel it, This is the way we started, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump,

It's not the most inspiring start to a song is it? One might be fooled into thinking perhaps they were just using a ghetto variation of vocal warm up exercises (me me me becomes yo yo mo fo). Let's give them a chance to redeem themselves for the superlative Miss Patty's section of the song. Here she is then:

Shake what'cha momma gave ya, Shake what'cha momma gave ya, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, Wave your hands in the air, Wave'em like you just don't care, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, Sisters in the house tonite, Let me know you feel alright, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, Let me hear ya'll scream, Fellas you know what I mean, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, We all come down to the club, To get loose and have some fun, Da da dibidi bump bump, Da da dibidi bump bump, Pass the dutchie to the left hand side

Now, I realise they're not the first 'artists' to write fairly nonsensical lyrics, after all one can't fail to remember Des O'Connor's classic hit 'Dick a Dum Dum' or Abba's haunting track 'Dum Dum Diddle (my darling fiddle)'. It's just that somehow these early efforts have the veneer of innocence. In today's exceedingly verbal world, shouldn't it be easier to come up with a really awe inspiring hook for a song without resorting to the babblings of a drunk teenage girl in a bus station? Oh, and don't get me started on their shameless pillaging of the classic Musical Youth in that last line. Step away from the dutchie Miss Patty.
Also, when did it become cool to employ session chipmunks to give an edge to your efforts? First the laughably un-convict like Akon with 'Lonely' and now Mr V and Miss Patty have got da 'munk on board for Da Bump. Who is this chipmunk? Is he to become the next Ja Rule, popping up in guest spots on every new release to catastrophically ruin it (I think Mr V was doing pretty well on that front by himself).
Of course there is the argument, as Salt N Pepa took the trouble to remind us, to 'pick up the needle, press pause or turn the radio off' (name that song) but I like most of the other offerings from Radio Smooch, I really do. I even don't mind Sean Paul, the Grand Master of unintelligible lyrics but I've nothing against an honest dancehall effort, it's a different genre entirely. My only recourse is to simply persevere with songs such as 'Da Bump' and Dada's 'Lollipop' (I'll lick your ice cream, you can lick my lollipop' - oh can I? thanks awfully) and wait for the good shit in between. The Kisstory hour (see what they did?) is pretty good although like the albums entitled 'Old Skool', 'Back in the Day' and 'Now Time to Look Into a Pension' it does tend to make me feel the wrong side of young.

*Street for 'the', apparently