Jumping the gun?

Well it appears I may have been slightly premature in writing off the men in my life. N has so far been travelling for 6 days and has already emailed me 3 times. From the tone of the emails I can tell he's happier and calmer for getting out of London and getting some head space. He has told me he's missing London and me but I think that's just early days talking. I'm sure once he gets into the swing of travelling solo again and embraces his situation that will wear off. I have found that I've thought about him every day and have been delighted when his emails have appeared. I don't yet know whether this is due to him not having been gone a week yet and whether the feelings will fade. He's going to be out there for at least another 11 weeks as it is. For now though I hope he stays in touch. He almost feels like a departed lover that I am waiting at home for which is nonsense really but strikes a chord with a terminal romantic like me. A told me jokingly she thinks I'll end up marrying him (another terminal romantic) and, idiot that I am, I started daydreaming about it. Talk about impressionable.

J has also been back on the scene. He called me out of the blue from a day-long modelling assignment at the weekend to chat and tell me he'd been thinking about me in his more idle hours. On Monday he emailed me to say that although he was surrounded by pretty girls the whole time (thanks for that), 'they were muppets and it really made me appreciate you, you're really special to me.' I still have no idea what's going on but for now it's definitely just sex. The dom/sub conversations have started again and for our rendezvous tonight he's apparently bringing handcuffs and is going to 'play' because he feels I'm ready. I'm slightly apprehensive but I haven't had sex for two weeks and quite frankly I'm gagging so I'll go along with whatever.

L is the only one that really does seem to have fallen off the radar which is a great shame. I didn't hear from him all weekend and lasted until 4pm on Monday when I emailed him in an exceedingly breezy tone to ask how he weekend was and what he was up to this week. I received an email back with a detailed itinerary of all his activities which take up every night of the week with no suggestion of us getting together ever again. He may as well have just said 'I don't want to see you' but clearly that's impolite, exceedingly unBritish and not part of the rules. We exchanged a couple of matey emails but that was three days ago and I've heard nothing since. I can't work out whether his silence is due to him worrying about something personal he told me last week and perhaps my reaction to it. In which case it's up to me to contact him to offer (mute) reassurance that I'm not bothered and would like to see him. However perhaps I did something or said something to put him off the last time we met but I've been replaying the whole evening and for the life of me I can't imagine what it might have been. Finally though, perhaps he's just lost interest. One thing I've learnt about men (and myself) since I started this voracious dating is that impulses, desires and apparently genuine feelings can disappear as quickly as they arrive. It's finding the ones with staying power that's the challenge. The search continues...