Women's Intuition

Women's intuition is an interesting thing. Somehow we know when a friend is down or when our boss is using clever words to disguise a worrying subtext or when our mother says she doesn't want anything for her birthday you'd better bloody buy her something good. It is also very efficient at picking up on the fact that someone, to put it bluntly, has gone off you.

I hate women's intuition.

On Friday night I met S for dinner and a movie. The aforementioned strange atmosphere of Valentine's night continued and I did begin to wonder whether the awkwardness really was all in my head. I tried so hard to be sparkly and funny despite my brain feeling mummified after an astonishingly stressful day in the office. We sat through the two hour film without a single touch being exchanged between us. Afterwards outside, he suddenly announced he had a headache and thought he should probably go home. I'm sorry but a pack of rabid dogs couldn't stop a man from going home with a woman he wants to have sex with let alone a 'headache'. "I'll talk to you soon," he said and kissed me on the cheek. Honestly, he may as well have hired a plane to sky write 'You're not the one' - it would have been much more subtle.

Although at this point I didn't know for sure of course. CM arrived on Saturday morning and thank God she did. Our bridesmaid dress shopping was peppered with my obsessing about S and what it could all mean. Bless her heart, she didn't sugar-coat it which is what I needed. Had she tried to do the faithful friend thing and given me false hope I may have let myself believe her but she absolutely agreed it wasn't looking good. Incidentally, we did find a dress which I love and as CM noticed, it's exactly the same blue as my eyes.

She left me on Sunday lunchtime and I busied myself with chores until my phone rang at 5pm. It was S and, of course, he finished with me. I didn't give anything away and I was very Zen about it. After all, what's the point of behaving like a harpy or screaming like a fishwife? If someone's made up their mind to dump you, all you're going to do is confirm their decision and leave them feeling justified. The trick is to remain calm, and be civil, which I was. That is until that call ended and I immediately rang CM and burst into tears. We only dated for a couple of months but I was really falling for him and he seemed so into me. Frankly I think it has a lot to do with him turning 30 this weekend. He's looked at his life, evaluated 'us' and asked himself whether he's with the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life, to which the answer was clearly 'no chance.' Well that's fair enough and I'm glad he did it now than when I'd really been hit hard. I'll miss talking to him and sharing the in jokes we had and I know I'll get over it in time but it doesn't stop it hurting now.

However, I'm looking forward to next weekend. I was supposed to be meeting S's friends at his 30th birthday dinner but now that's off I have a free Saturday night. I need to find someone that would be willing to accompany me to some dark bars for strong cocktails. On Sunday I'm meeting up with Roobs, Oz Girl and B from my last company for a lovely long lunch. I haven't seen them since I left that job so I'm very excited. It's all about being a single girl again and filling my time accordingly. Luckily I'm a veteran...