I wasn't going to be the one to mention it. We both knew it was fast approaching, casting a shadow of obligation and inevitable awkwardness over the coming week. I dread this day the way I dread dentist appointments or having to see those friends who are inexplicably in your life despite neither party liking each other or having anything of interest to say.
Valentine's Day.
It's not that I don't like romance, it just makes me astonishingly uncomfortable. Mind you, so does people invading my personal space, anyone doing nice things for me ever, anyone buying me presents when its not my birthday/Christmas and men crying. However, romance is the subject at hand. I'm not referring to garage forecourt sentimentality either; carnations in yellow paper and pink teddy bears holding overstuffed hearts bearing sickening legends such as 'I wuv you'. Oh and not forgetting (shudder) 'Love Cheques', an idea so out of touch with modern relationships that any normal person would immediately dump the individual who dared present them with what is essentially a gift that says 'You don't fuck me imaginatively enough so here are some instructions and a schedule.' If you like any of that you're probably called Kylie and dot your 'I's with hearts. If so, stop reading now - you're banned.
See? See how antsy this whole thing makes me? I'm not against a dab of romance here and there providing it's done with style. I love being taken out to expensive restaurants, being sent flowers spontaneously or having a quicky when you're supposed to be on your way out the door (OK that last one's more blind lust than romance but I still love it). I know it's an old complaint but I just can't get on board with this 'Ready, Steady, Go!' idea of a day devoted to romance. Yes, it's probably worse if you're single but at least you can keep your head down and ignore the entire 24 hours.
However in my typically contrary fashion I would also feel slightly let down if I was seeing someone and they didn't mention the day or suggest doing anything for it, much in the same way you don't actually want to be wolf-whistled at by builders when you walk past the site but if they don't, a small part of you wonders why. Curse my high-maintenance.
S asked me to spend tomorrow evening with him. I decided not to mention V Day because it can be kryptonite to some blokes and we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. However he's independently booked a nice restaurant and will then be staying at mine. I'm not entirely sure I know the rules of the night though. For example, he was at my flat last week when I was opening my post which contained a big stack of housewarming cards. He watched me opening them delightedly for a few moments, then said 'I hate cards.' That was it, offhand statement of fact for me to do with what I please. Unfortunately I adore giving cards and get really excited when I find one I think a specific person will like. Does this mean I can never give him a card? What about the immediate future? Is he more anti-Valentines than me and decided to make a pre-emptive strike against a possible whim whereby I present him with a 5 x 2ft padded card featuring pigs kissing?? I've decided to be sly about it and have bought a very nonchalant card with a clever quote on the front of it and nothing inside and the 'L' word is nowhere to be seen. If he presents me with one, he's getting the stealth-card from me but if not, it's staying in my bag. It's really all about the powerbase.
Having said all that, I am keen to find out where this is going. Coupledom or 'that girl I used to date'? I still have no real idea where we are. We are gradually starting to see more of each other and I feel a little more comfortable emailing him occasionally but any firm developments are as yet unspoken. I won't ask on Valentine's Day, there couldn't be a worse time; I'd be better off asking in the queue at Waitrose. Plus, I haven't actually said the words 'Are you my boyfriend?' since primary school. I'll just have to bide my time and obey the rules of engagement. Ooops...there's a word I'd better not say tomorrow night.
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