Stuffing

Oh my God I can't stop eating!

I'm seriously worried about my total lack of self-control when it comes to food at the moment. Having spent the last 6 months monitoring everything I ate and policing myself constantly I have now completely lost it.

Case in point: I just went to Pret and purchased a Brie (cheese for heaven's sake!) and plum chutney sandwich and a packet of lard-smeared crisps and consumed the lot in about fifteen seconds. That's on top of the Rice Krispies, mini mince pie, Santa tree decoration (chocolate), advent calendar sweet and chocolate digestive I consumed over the course of the morning. Yesterday I picked at chocolate all day long to the point where I actually felt sick (what am I, five??). The problem is, I'm in an office full of women and we're up to our eyes in foodie gifts from grateful clients. The desk opposite me is unoccupied so it's become the official home of every box of chocolates, packet of mince pies, truffles, Stollen, cashew nut tube and alcoholic beverage we've so far received. It's been a calorie fest for the last week with everyone hovering around my pod, eyes glazed with festive lust, carefully examining chocolate box menus and throwing back handfuls of cashews. How can I resist? It's like Chinese water torture only with chocolate not water and not as deadly. Admittedly that doesn't explain why I ate an entire garlic baguette to myself last night...

The perverse thing is, I've worked really hard to lose all this weight, I've just met a man I like and desperately want to impress and I've bought a sweater dress, but I'm scoffing like a compulsive eater in a pie-eating contest. I'm not going to call it self-sabotage yet, although it wouldn't be the first time. I'll blame it on the festive period and abundance of naughty treats permanently within my reach. If it continues past Christmas Day then I know I'm in trouble.

I didn't see C last night, I was just too tired. I think he was quite disappointed although we're back MSNing today. I don't know what I'm doing really because my thoughts are all wrapped up in S ahead of our date tomorrow. C is cute in a boyish kind of way but he's not on my wavelength like S is. I'm so excited/nervous about tomorrow night. I keep replaying our kiss over and over to the point where I'm in serious danger of jumping him the minute I see him tomorrow which wouldn't do at all. In the meantime, the casual flirtation with C is doing wonders for the ego in the midst of my self-loathing oink fest.