Awakening

I have managed to lose 11lb in 3 weeks. This pleases me but it doesn't come easy. For a start I'm not eating lunch. I know, I know...the way to lose weight is slowly and sensibly in order for it to stay off forever. Well sorry but slowly and sensibly isn't cutting it with me any more. I eat a tiny box of cereal in the morning, an apple or a Go Ahead bar for lunch, gallons of diet Coke to stem the hunger pains and either heated chopped tomatoes or veg goulash with a chicken breast or sweet potato in the evening. I'm also doing a Davina work out DVD when I can. Scoff if you will (I'm bloody not) but it's working. Unfortunately I am just now the weight I was the last time I thought 'Jesus I'm a porker, better go on a diet' so it's hardly a great achievement but it's a start. Case in point; it's Saturday night and although I'm drinking wine which is calorific, instead of my usual curry, snacks & chocolate fest of last year I have made goulash and had it with a chicken breast. I also worked out this morning and spent the afternoon helping my brother move house so I think I've earned a few glasses of wine. Tomorrow is a family do which are always heavy on booze and food but I'll just have to stick to spirits and avoid all puddings. I actually find I enjoy the feeling of hunger - it shows me I'm not overindulging.

Surfer Boy came to see me on Thursday night. I booked the Friday off work in a display of utter presumtiousness which fortunately paid off. He arrived in the hood and I took him straight to a bar and got the drinks in. He paid last time and he paid for the train up here so I figured it was only fair. Me being me went mad and ended up spending £50 but it was worth it. We clicked again from the start. He made me laugh and we talked non-stop. He put his hand on my leg more than once and watched my lips for just slightly too long while I was talking.
I took him to my favourite Brixton pub, The Dogstar where I know the staff very well and knew we'd get a good welcome. It couldn't have gone better - as we approached the head doorman spotted me and immediately went into Wayne's World style 'we're not worthy' bowing, elliciting a 'wow' from SB. Inside we were warmly welcomed and immediately bought into the fold, resulting in a lock in and a prolonged period mucking about with the lost and found glasses box. SB was impressed with the gang and I loved them for being so effusive. We headed back to mine at which point I became more nervous than I've been in a long time. My body confidence is very low but he seemed to be really into my body which I found astonishing as someone who spends every day loathing it. Somehow he relaxed me and I fooled around without worrying about my arse/thighs.
We didn't have sex. It was actually really nice because it feels like there's still something to discover. He stayed the night and the next day was spent on the sofa, kissing, chatting, laughing, watching DVDs and basically being as couply as you can be. My warning bells were going off purely because I felt myself starting to yearn. I can't be hurt again, I really can't and I really like this boy so I continually extricated myself from embraces and joked where I probably shouldn't have. Still, he left around 9pm and texted me on the way home saying he couldn't wait to see me again. He texted me again today asking to see me in a few day's time. I love the fact he's not dicking about or hiding the fact he likes me. Whether he wants something long term remains to be seen but right now I'm not sure I even do. It's just nice to feel alive again. I feel like I've been woken up after a year and a half of hiding away and being scared. It's like running through a rainstorm and right now I can't wait to get wet again...