I got the all clear, one day shy of a full week of torture. I had spent the previous evening, curled foetus-like on my bed sobbing my heart out, convinced I had some terrible illness. I had held it together for days but the worry finally broke me and I gave into a sleepless night of panic. Just as I thought I couldn't take any more of it, my phone beeped and there was the text message I'd been waiting for for what seemed like weeks.
I count myself very, very lucky. It is a cliché but it feels like I've been given a second chance. My life, pathetic and shallow though it might be, is precious and I'm the only one who can protect it. Next stop: quitting the fags!
Things between R and I have continued apace and I think I might actually have a proper boyfriend. Not someone I'm 'seeing' or playing games with or just fucking but a proper, bona fide, lovely boyfriend. We seem utterly besotted with each other. This morning I got an email that simply quoted the following Nick Drake lyrics at me:
I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my handOr felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky.
I need this man in my life.
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